


Getting to Know You: Lyrium

by mfg011



Series: Getting to Know You [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Depictions of tortured corpses, Gen, Haven, M/M, No Beta, Post-In Hushed Whispers, mention of other characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-28
Updated: 2015-05-30
Packaged: 2018-04-01 15:11:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4024567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mfg011/pseuds/mfg011
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the Inquisition finds out Dahy Lavellan has never gone through the Harrowing, they seek to remedy the situation before going to the Breach.<br/>---<br/>Dahy Lavellan must face his terrors as he goes through the Harrowing for the first time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Heed the tags and warnings! Nothing too violent happens, but Dahy takes a trip through the Fade so he sees some not so okay things while he's there.  
> \---  
> Once again, this doesn't really revolve around Dahy and Dorian but there is some development in their relationship so I tagged it as a Dorian/Male Lavellan.

Hiding out in the abandoned hut led Dahy to discover old recipes for a lyrium draught. He brought it to Adan’s attention once the children had left. Adan had never looked happier and more sinister. “This’ll boost your mana for a while, and it doesn’t have as high of a risk of addiction.” He had called in Dahy, Dorian, Vivienne, and Solas when he completed the recipe. “However, it’ll still give you sickness if you take too much at once.” 

“Sickness?” Dahy held a vial containing blue liquid, the others had similar vials in their hands. All of them were inspecting it in different ways. 

“It’s like a minor case of withdrawal. Dizziness, nausea, headaches, and maybe a fever. The severity will depend on how much you ingest. I recommend no more than three within the span of an hour or so. Though I won’t really know until it’s been tested.” Which explains why Adan had only summoned mages of the Inner Circle, he wanted to keep the trial contained so Fiona’s mages, including Fiona, had been ruled out.

Vivienne held her vial towards the light. “This could revolutionize lyrium draughts if successful, dear. Think of the benefits templars could have.” 

“Absolutely not!” Vivienne glared at Adan. “This is for mages only. Even if the draught doesn’t require as much lyrium as what templars take, it’s still more potent. The herbs used boost the effects.” 

“Less lyrium but more output?” Dorian mused out-loud. 

“Exactly.” 

“This doesn’t seem very safe if it does manage to make it’s way into a templars hands.” Dahy noted. 

“Which is why this is an Inquisition exclusive.” Vivienne’s disposition towards Adan soured even further. “Only I handle the making and distribution of the draught.” 

Dorian, Vivienne, and Solas all seemed to be lost in thought whereas Dahy just stared at his vial. “Well, I’m afraid I won’t be much help. I’ve never had lyrium so I won’t really know it’s effects.” This got everyone’s attention. 

Dorian spoke first even though the others seemed to be bursting with questions. “You’ve never had lyrium before?” 

“I’ve never had the need.” 

“So then you’ve never-” 

“It makes sense.” Solas interrupted. “He’s lived among the Dalish his entire life. They don’t enforce the same rituals that are enforced within the Circles.” 

“What rituals?”

“The Harrowing, dear.” Vivienne answered. 

“Harrowing?” 

“It’s a test.” Vivienne placed her vial away as she made her way towards Dahy. She looked him over as if he suddenly became a new creature to be observed. “Every apprentice in the Circle must go through it in order to become a mage. It’s to see how susceptible a mage is to possession, and to see if the mage can handle their potential for power. The lyrium used is a slightly purer form than what is regularly used.” 

“And what happens during this Harrowing?” 

“It’s different for everyone but essentially it’s a mages first step into the Fade.” Solas quickly answered. Any topic over the Fade was Solas’ expertise. “ We involuntarily visit the Fade during our sleep but the lyrium lets us voluntarily step into it. A mage, then, is able to contact a spirit for the first time.” Solas

“Or kill a demon.” Vivienne added. Solas glared at her. 

“Is it necessary?” 

“No, but it would give many, including myself, a piece of mind when we’re to close the Breach.” Vivienne’s eyes narrowed at Dahy. “Think of the Harrowing as an induced illness. Your body and mind will know what to expect if facing possession, so it can better protect itself. An immunity, if you will.” 

“A rather crass way of putting it.” Solas added. Vivienne glared at him this time. 

“And how would you describe it?” Vivienne sneered. 

“A way to get to know yourself better. You face your greatest obstacles and overcome them.” 

Dorian had been silent during the conversation. Dahy made eye contact with him every now and then during the back and forth, and saw that Dorian only stared at Dahy. He didn’t know what to make of that. The whole topic made Dahy feel uneasy. They continued to explain the Harrowing to Dahy and then proceeded to discuss things further with the advisors and Fiona. Dahy’s opinion seemed to be dismissed once they reached the point of deciding whether this was needed or not. His advisors, along with a very adament Vivienne, had all agreed that the Harrowing was needed before they went to the Breach. Josephine began to rattle off strings they could pull in order to receive the lyrium used for the ritual. Yet another decision that had been made for him. Something else Dahy had no power over. 

Somehow news spread of Dahy’s inexperience, and Dahy was treated once more with caution. Fiona’s mages openly gawked at him, and there seemed to be more templars looking over Dahy than before. Dahy escaped to the abandoned hut. He sat on the steps with the bandages from his arm housing the mark spooled around his lap. Dahy stared at the scars trailing down his arm, mind lost in thought. 

The initial mark on his palm was a jagged scar that ran across his palm. Even though it didn’t open whenever he closed a rift, it still ached with each use. When the Breach was still fresh, when it was still tearing across the sky, the mark tore down his arm. Cassandra had said it was killing him and it certainly felt like it at the time. Scars that resembled raised veins now remained. The mark didn’t spread anymore, but seeing the scars made the dull ache he permanently harbored worsen. 

Dahy wrapped his arm in bandages to prevent others from seeing the scars, and to give himself a sense of denial. He wanted to believe that everything would be healed once this was all over. That he would return to his Clan and everything would be the same. 

“Does it hurt?” Dorian had appeared without Dahy’s notice. 

“Not really.” Dahy lied. He often did when people asked of his well-being. Dorian seemed to notice as he audibly sighed. Dahy scooted to the side and motioned for Dorian to sit, if he wanted to. Dorian took the seat to Dahy’s right, next to the arm, and looked down at it with Dahy. 

“You know you don’t have to go through with it if you don’t want to. You’ve proven multiple times that you run no risk of possession.” Dahy didn’t respond but continued to stare at his hand. He had thought about refusing the Harrowing. He had survived so far without going through the ritual, and his magic had never felt like a risk to himself or to others. However, what Vivienne had said stuck with him. Potential for power. He doesn’t want to be an all-powerful mage. He doesn’t actively seek new ways to cast offensive spells, and he doesn’t train day and night like he’s seen some of Fiona’s charges do. However, he has always felt like he wasn’t strong enough to protect those in his charge. Those he cares for and loves. 

“Do you ever think about what happened at Redcliffe?” 

“I try not to.” 

“If I fail, that’s the future that awaits the world.” Dahy clenched his fist. “I can’t afford to forget that future. I can’t afford to take any risks.” Then he relaxed his hand. “If this Harrowing is meant to--is going to help me, then I’ll do it.” Dahy then flexed his hand. 

Dorian took the bandages from Dahy’s lap, held his hand in his own, and began to carefully wrap his arm. “Then you should be prepared. Lucky for you, you have an expert present to give you any advice.” 

“You managed to drag Solas away from his room?” Dorian froze from his task, glowering at Dahy. “Kidding.” Dahy grinned uneasily, trying to lighten the weight that had settled in his stomach since he heard of the Harrowing. 

Dorian told Dahy of his Harrowing. A palace, a lust demon, and then Dorian killing the thing. Dahy could tell he was leaving out some details but didn’t pry. Dorian told Dahy of those who had failed the Harrowing. Of abominations and those forced to become tranquil. “I know you won’t fail, like I’ve said before you’ve come this far without succumbing to anything that I doubt you’ll fail when it comes to this. However, it is a trying experience.” Dorian’s tone became serious as he tied off the bandage around Dahy's hand. “Any weaknesses you have, the Fade will bring it out and use it against you. Be ready.” 

"Why do you care?" Dorian looked as if he'd been slapped. "Sorry, that came out harsher than intended. It's just that, everyone else only seems to be worried about the fact that I haven't gone through a Harrowing."

Dorian's expression softened then he looked out in order to avoid eye contact. "That's precisely the reason I care. I know a bit of how it feels like to be the center of scrutiny. People tend to forget that there's a person under all the pressure. Or in your case, an elf." They sat in companionable silence until it was time to return to Haven’s gates. Neither of them noticed that Dorian had held onto Dahy's hand while sitting in front of the hut, his thumb slowly passing over Dahy's hand in a soothing manner.

\---

Weeks passed by before they were ready to go through with the ritual. Dahy and those he selected had to travel to the Fallow Mire to rescue missing soldiers from the local Avaar tribe. Dahy had taken Dorian, much to his displeasure, and Cassandra due to their expertise with the undead. Varric came along, much to Cassandra’s displeasure, because Dahy enjoyed his company. 

There, Dorian discovered his limit on how many of Adan’s draughts he could take before he got sick. Dahy had stayed with him while he recovered, telling Dorian of the places he had been with his Clan. It had been Dahy’s fault that Dorian had ingested so much of the draught. Dahy had become exhausted while fighting so many of the undead, resorting to fighting them physically instead of with his magic. When they were within the castle’s walls, they couldn’t risk going back through the horde or waiting too long. While fighting the Avaar leader, Dorian took in more lyrium covering Dahy and Cassasndra with Varric. Once the leader was defeated, they returned to Haven with the missing soldiers, an Avaar, and a sick Dorian. 

At Haven, Dahy was told that the lyrium for the Harrowing had arrived. 

\---

They had gathered across the lake. Cullen, Cassandra, Leliana, and some templars stood around Dahy along with Vivienne, Fiona, and Dorian. Solas sat in front of Dahy, who was seated cross-legged in a cleared area of land. Dahy’s staff was laid across his lap as Solas handed him the chalice filled with the lyrium. Dahy held the cup in his hands, the liquid already causing a ringing in his ears as if someone was running a wet finger around the rim of a wine glass. The world fell away as Dahy closed his eyes, brought the cup to his lips, and drank. 

When Dahy opened his eyes, he was home. Familiar Aravels surrounded him as he stood in the center of the camp. He heard his Clan, his family, laughing far away. Dahy began to move towards them, but stopped when he head singing. A lullaby, the one his mother used to sing to him. “Mamae?” The voice was coming from the opposite direction of his family’s laughter. Dahy began to jog towards it. Towards her. The sky grew darker the closer he got. When he got there, she sat in front of a camp fire. “Mamae?” 

She looked up at him, hope on her face as she got up. Dahy began to move towards her. “Da’len?” Her steps towards him abruptly stopped as blood began to seep down her chest. 

Dahy ran and caught her as she fell. “No! No, no, no.” Dahy pressed his hand against her wound. “I’ll get help. I can heal you. I can...” Her hand reached towards his scarred cheek. He noticed that something wet was seeping down his face, he brought up his hand and pulled hers back to see her fingers coated in blood as if his scars were fresh. 

“No you won’t.” Dahy was taken aback by her words. “You’re too weak to save me.” Blood coated her teeth as some spilled from her mouth and down her face. “You’re too weak to save them.” Dahy heard bodies drop to the ground. The still bodies of his family laid before him. Jagged stripes lashed across their backs. Their wrists and necks severely wracked with sores. He heard more bodies drop behind him, turned and saw Dorian, body burned. He saw a beheaded Solas, and red lyrium growing out of Cassandra and Cullen, their bodies mangled. He saw Leliana strung up and beaten. He saw all of the people he cared about, dead. “You’re too weak to save the world.” The world crackled and green seeped across the sky. Dahy’s mark didn’t burn like it usually does as it reacted with the sky. Instead, icy pain lanced through his body. 

“No.” Dahy choked out. 

“Shh, I can help.” His mother was no longer in his arms. Her arms were wrapped around his neck and dropped across his chest as she knelt down behind him. The icy pain abated, instead a soothing warmth clouded the pain. “Let mother help, and we can save them. There’s no need to despair any longer.” Her hand trailed down Dahy’s right arm along with the soothing warmth. “All will be forgiven.” Her words managed to jarr Dahy. He grabbed the hand that reached for the palm of his right hand and pulled her over so that she landed on the ground before him. 

His staff appeared in his hands as he held the blade to her throat. His hands shook making the blade tremble. She didn’t scream or appear angry. Her face was serene. Just like when she died. “Why don’t you fight me?” Dahy’s grip tightened but his body still shook. He was pointing a weapon at his mother. 

She smiled. “You will succumb, eventually. Perhaps not by my hand, but the hand of another. The burden you carry is too heavy and will crush you. No mortal can do what you’re doing alone. You will lose all that you love, then lose yourself.” The demon gripped the blade. “All you need is a push.” She plunged it into her own throat. Dahy sank down to his knees seeing his mother die before him once more. The demon’s garbled laughter mocking him. He wasn’t strong enough. He never would be. Dahy screamed as he had to see his mother die again. 

A light erupted from the creature’s body causing Dahy to fall back and shield his eyes. “Wretched demon, you will not speak to my son wearing my face.” The light didn’t abate as he felt a comfort he hadn’t felt in a long time surround him. He felt a hand on his cheek once more. “Oh da’len, I never blamed you. It was never your fault.” Fingers ran across his scalp like his mother used to do when he was young. “You’re never alone. Please, don’t forget that.” Dahy closed his eyes as he felt the warmth close in stronger around him. “I’m so proud of you, da’len.” 

Dahy opened his eyes to see that he was back at Haven. His chest was heaving and he was crying. He felt sweat drip down his temple and forehead. Someone neared making Dahy flinch back. He looked up to see Solas who appeared concerned. Dahy looked past him to see everyone else, still alive. He looked up to the sky, still blue, and he felt the familiar, burning ache of his right arm. “Lavellan?” Solas carefully laid a hand on his shoulder. Dahy wiped the tears away and grasped his wrist. 

“I’m-I’m here.” Dahy’s voice was unsteady. Solas guided his chin so that he was looking at Dahy’s eyes. He must have seen something he liked because his concerned expression melted away into relief. 

“It is done.” He spoke towards the crowd as he helped Dahy to his feet. Dahy felt uneasy. He leaned most of his weight on his staff and Solas. People moved around him but Dahy didn’t move. He was afraid if he took a step, he would collapse. Dahy suddenly felt someone else gently take his staff away and guide his arm over a set of shoulders. 

Dahy saw that it was Dorian. “Let’s get you indoors.”

His mother’s words suddenly echoed in his head. _“You’re never alone.”_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian stays by Dahy after his Harrowing.

Dorian set down Dahy on his bed, tugged off his boots, and ran the back of his hand over Dahy’s forehead. His thumb brushed at loosened hair. Dorian said something about getting them some food and drink but Dahy didn’t really notice. He was still thinking about what he had seen. What he had felt.  
When Dahy noticed that Dorian had returned, he was kneeling before him wiping away tears that had fallen. Dahy didn’t even notice that he had been crying. Dahy leaned back away from Dorian’s touch to wipe away his own tears. “Sorry.” His voice trembled. 

“Was it that bad?” 

Dahy closed his eyes in pain from the memory and clenched his fists in his lap. He wanted to tug Dorian close so that he could just hold him. Dahy was used to seeking out physical comfort. He was used to being with his Clan where being close with each other was normal. Dahy had been deprived of contact ever since he left for the Conclave. 

“You don’t have to tell anyone what you saw, but if you ever feel like talking, I’m here.” Dahy opened his eyes to see Dorian’s concern. His shoulders sagged as another wave of tears welled up before him. Dahy didn’t want Dorian to see him like this, so he leaned forward and hid his face in his hands. He didn’t know why he couldn’t stop. 

Dahy felt the bed sag as Dorian sat next to him. “You faced the part of you that makes you feel the worst, didn’t you?” Dorian pulled at Dahy so that Dahy’s face was pressed against Dorian’s shoulder. “And now you can’t seem to get it out of your mind after years of locking it away.” Dahy pressed his face even harder against Dorian. “You physically fell out of the the Fade, showed no signs of possession, and yet they still thought it necessary to put you through a Harrowing.” Dorian sighed in frustration. “I fear they’ll take everything from you for the sake of saving the world. Do me a favor,” Dorian grasped Dahy’s hand, “don’t let them.” Dahy kept his face pressed against Dorian as he continued to cry. 

\---

Dorian remained by his side until Dahy couldn’t cry anymore. Until Dahy fell asleep leaning against Dorian. Dorian gently tucked Dahy into his bed and walked away until he was stopped by a grip on his wrist. He looked down to see that Dahy had grabbed on as Dorian was walking away even though he was asleep. Dorian leaned down as he brushed away the stray hairs that had fallen across Dahy’s forehead with his free hand. He noticed just how young Dahy was as he rested. Dorian pulled Dahy’s hand away from his wrist and placed it on the bed. “Sleep well, Herald.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt as though there needed to be a moment between Dahy and Dorian after the Harrowing. It didn't feel right to add it to the last chapter since I already published it, but at the same time I feel bad for making another chapter and having it be so short. Ah well. 
> 
> Sorry to those who read the second chapter expecting more, but this is what felt right.  
> \---  
> On another note, I mention Dahy's age and to those who are curious, I'm placing him in his early 20s (22-24? Can't decide...) despite what World of Thedas has stated. I _am_ keeping Dorian's age World of Thedas compliant so that means he's 29 or 30? I can't remember. If I need to add an age difference tag, let me know please.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are incredibly appreciated!!
> 
> If there are any glaring spelling errors or grammatical mistakes please let me know as I don't have a beta. 
> 
> If there's anything particular you want me to tag, please let me know. 
> 
> If you like Dragon Age shenanigans and want to learn more about Dahy, follow me on [tumblr.](http://dahylavellan.tumblr.com/)


End file.
